‘Parenting journey’; just these two words alone can evoke emotions of empathy, sympathy and camaraderie from other fellow parents and the community. Parenting requires gigantic doses of patience, understanding and resilience. But ask any parent, if they could turn time, would they still have kids? And the answer is always a strong ‘yes’! It is all so much worth it and more.
It’s amazing how one hearty cuddle or one I love you mumma can melt your frustrations, tiredness of sleepless nights or exhaustion of cleaning bottoms, clothes and rooms (sorry, if you cleaned one just 20 minutes ago and its dirty again!)
But you know the best (or perhaps the worst) part? These beautiful little beings that we bring into this world bring us immeasurable joy, and yet, also deflate us like nothing else. They melt us with their love, and drain us of our energy. They seem to come pre-programmed, and exactly know how to push our buttons.
I have compiled a list of funny parenting quotes that are frustratingly relatable and yet hilarious. These quotes encapsulate the journey of parenthood in all its hair-pulling hilarity. I really hope they can provide some comic relief during your moments of frustrations and fatigue. And if you relate to even one of these funny quotes – well you know then – you are definitely not alone on this parenting journey! Here goes …
Funny and relatable parenting quotes
Welcome to parenthood! Getting stuck in traffic for 30 minutes on your way home from a doctor’s appointment is now your ‘me-time’.
by Lauren from Dragging Feeties
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realising how many people you dislike. adapted from Brian Gaar
The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable. by Lane Olinghouse
Before I had kids, I didn’t know I could ruin someone’s day by saying, ‘Get dressed, please.’ by Lisa Munn from Sarcastic Mommy
Having one child makes you a parent. Having two kids makes you a referee. by David Frost
Just because I’m a mom doesn’t mean I’m not spontaneous anymore. Will I get out of these pyjamas today? Maybe… maybe not. You just don’t know. by Divergent Mama
A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.
by Maurice Johnston
I’m just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something that I can no longer remember cause my kid interrupted us 75 times. by LH Lodder
Hell hath no fury like a toddler who’s sandwich has been cut into squares when they wanted triangles. Anonymous
You know your life has changed when going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation. Anonymous
Every time I say ‘no’, my kid hears: ‘Ask again, she didn’t understand the question’. by Sarah Cottrell from Housewife Plus
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Little kids living in a house with light carpets is one of them
I thought I’d never be that annoying person, but as soon as Winnie was born, I was showing iPhone snaps to a cab driver.
by Jimmy Fallon
Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it. by Marshall McLuhan
Ever had a job where you had no experience, no training, you weren’t allowed to quit and people’s lives were at stake? That’s parenting. Anonymous
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one. by Leo Burke
Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories. by John Wilmot
I was so cute when I thought I was tired back before I had kids. So cute. Anonymous
Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth. by Peter Ustinov
My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played. Anonymous
I thought I used to ‘worry’ a lot when my kids were little. Then I had teenagers. You know what I would give right now to worry about sippy cups and naptime? EVERYTHING. by Melissa Fenton from 4Boys Mother
Sometimes being a good parent means hiding in a room and eating all of the chocolates so the kids don’t have to.
My husband is that ‘good parent’! Nora from Indian Mums Abroad
The scariest part of raising teenagers is remembering the stupid things you did as a teenager. by Whitney Fleming
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring family in another city. by George Burns
Some days I have it totally together. Other days I find toast I made 3 days ago still sitting in the toaster oven. Adapted from Rachel Sobel’s Whine and Cheez(its)
Me: Could you please stop asking me the same question over and over?!
by Paul from Stone Cold Daddy
Also Me: Do you have to go to the bathroom? Did you go to the bathroom? Did you use the bathroom yet? Are you using the bathroom?
We don’t wear what we slept in out in public. — Me, lying to my child.
by Kate Cartia
How to make cold coffee? Have kids, make coffee, forget you made coffee. Voila! Cold coffee. adapted from Anonymous
Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers. by William Galvin
You know you’ve grown a lot as a parent when you watch your kid lick something in public and think, ‘Eh. He’s licked worse.‘
by Meredith Ethington from Perfect Pending
I always thought I’d be a patient mom and then I watched my son try to zip his own jacket.
by Sarcastic Mommy
Kid: Mom, I have a paper cut. Mom: Cool. You were 9 pounds at birth.
by Mommy Wine Time
Parenting is yelling, ‘You just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and give them another snack.
by Hoda Negin from Loud Mama
Ok, kids, listen carefully because I’m only going to say this 175,276 more times.
by Lauren Lodder from Mommy Owl
‘We don’t eat things we find in the couch’ is, apparently, something I say now.
by Joanna from Ramblin Mama
Me: You’re going to bed in 5 minutes. Toddler: No. Twenty minutes! Me: Ok. Me: [Put him to bed in 2 minutes because he has no concept of time]
How to stay on top of the laundry when you have kids? 1: You can’t. 2: Find a new dream
Macgill Frutchey
Silence is golden…unless you have kids, then silence is just suspicious. Anonymous
The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering. by Paul Reiser
I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food. by Robert Orben
‘So I stepped away for like two seconds…’ the beginning of every parenting horror story. Anonymous
How could something so small create so much of something so disgusting? by Steve Guttenberg from the Three Men and a Baby
I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like my husband.
Readers Digest
Started making myself breakfast, and ended up making everybody’s, except mine. by Just Surviving Motherhood
“My husband coughing the moment I got the baby to sleep is why spouses are the number one suspect in homicide cases.” by Serena Dorman
I’m just a girl, stuck under a sleeping child, with a full bladder, and a dying phone. by The Wendy House
I let my kids follow their dreams, unless I already paid the registration fee on their last dream, then they follow that for 6-8 more weeks. by Petite Bello
That moment when your 2 week old baby is sleeping and you wonder if it’s possible to take a nap in the shower while you eat lunch….
by The Mommy Job
I just watched my child individually pick off and eat every sprinkle on the donut I gave her. She has the patience for that, but can’t wait 30 seconds for me to come out of the toilet. adapted from She’s The Honest Mom
‘When can we come see the baby? ‘ ‘4 am would be super helpful. Thanks.‘ by Just Surviving Motherhood
I’m working on being more organised. Not like, ‘alphabetise the pantry’ organised. But like, ‘stop buying the gift on the way to the party and wrapping it in the car’ organised. by Her View From Home
Is there any way to file a temporary restraining against a toddler? Just like 24 hours, maybe 2 days tops. Asking for a friend…
Just Surviving Motherhood
Can’t believe I shared my body with a child that won’t even share their m&ms with me. by Just Surviving Motherhood
I love all my children equally. Except for the one that sleeps…I love that one more. Anonymous
When I say: ‘I’m just going to the toilet’, my kids hear…’family meeting assemble in the bathroom now!’ by Little Teether
My kids will walk right past their father sitting on the couch and come bang on the shower door for me to open a fruit snack.
by The Funny Beaver
Somewhere along the way, I became a person who answers, ‘yes’ to the question: ‘Can I just put my dirty tissue in your pocket?‘ Anonymous
My daughter woke up at 6:06 today instead of her usual 6:00 because we let her stay up 5 hours past her bedtime last night. by The Funny Beaver
When you catch your kids eating a family size bag of tortilla chips for breakfast. But then realise a second later, you don’t have to cook. ‘I’ll allow it’.
Anonymous
We can’t all look good at the same time. It either me, the kids or the house. Anonymous
Whenever you feel like a bad parent, just remember that the mom from Home Alone was half way to Paris before she realised, she was missing a child – her child.
Me: [falling down a flight of stairs, sustaining injuries]; Kid: Mommy…can I have a snack? by Mother Playlist
I am going to donate these bags of old clothes to charity. But first I am going to drive around with them in my car boot for 3 months. Anonymous
I have nothing in common with people who wash, dry, fold and put their laundry away all in one day
Anonymous
The closest I get to a spa day is when steam from the dishwasher smacks me in the face. Anonymous
Motherhood in a nutshell: I would step in front of a moving vehicle for you. I just don’t want to make you dinner. Anonymous
Wow…if you managed to reach the end of this parenting quotes list, please take this opportunity to step back and scan the territory you have covered on this journey so far. You may be amazed at how far you have come, the storms you have weathered and the milestones you have achieved! A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!
I would love to know (in the comments below) which was the most relatable or frustratingly funny parenting quote for you?
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